Pappa wants mamma naked
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I came so hard my ears popped.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
