I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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