It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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