i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
