Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
