you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
