the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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