fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
