id be glad to
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
