dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
