Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
