So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
