I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
