forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
