Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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