This house was built for laser tag.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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