Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I did not marry a roomba.
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