last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
