When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
