Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
