it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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