I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
