Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
