You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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