Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
