i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
please don't ironically join a cult
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