you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
