i would punch a child for taco bell
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
