Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
