We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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