I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
