I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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