I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
