You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
