just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
