I heard we made out
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
