I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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