I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
