i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
