I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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