i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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