My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
