I'm gonna have a badass scar
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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