I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I looked at my own cervix.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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