Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
