I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
