i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
