Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
