my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
