I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
